Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Cass County Pro-Cloning Rally Report

As I mentioned last week in The Clone & Kill Coalition is having a seminar... , the Stowers train moved through Cass County last night. My stable of roving (and somewhat masochistic) correspondents has grown again, to include frequent commenter "Cranky," who gives us this report (and who, unlike my previous correspondent, didn't ask me for money):

Curmudgeon,

Phew! I just returned from Satan's workshop, where about 30 of the deceived, the ignorant, and the willfully malicious were hangin' with Stower's handsome, eloquent puppet. Sorry I didn't catch his name.

They marked me right at the door – guy wearing church clothing, carrying a sheaf of loose papers. NOBODY carries papers in deepest, darkest Cass Co. unless they're a lawyer (there are no attorneys in Cass Co, just lawyers) or a process server. Or otherwise out to make trouble, which I was. Once I got into the gym, where the presentation was already in progress, I was flanked by the three women who were working the front door. (I wasn't late.) I thought that was weird – why did all three of them search me out and surround me?

I let the Mouth of Stowers give his presentation, which was naught but slickly packaged lies, one tumbling out after the other. The presentation was extremely thin on scientific facts, extremely thick on emotional, huggy-bunny "how can we let those mean, mean lawmakers in Jeff City ruin our precious chances for a perfect life, free from all pain and suffering, followed by eternal torment in Hell?"

There was ONE slide on the science behind Clone-and-Kill, and a great, steaming pile of unscientific crap – but it was GOOD unscientific crap. Here are the main points:

  • It's NOT cloning. No, no, NO! Just what it is remains undefined, but it's definitely NOT cloning. Even though the Mouth of Stowers said that the process produced an exact genetic copy of the donor. Naw, THAT'S not cloning. It's......something else.
  • The eggs required will come from the patient's dear old Mom, and his sisters, and his aunts, and his daughters, and great-grand-daughters, and may Almighty God help those poor guys whose womenfolk aren't willing to have their ovum hormonically squeezed out of them. The Mouth of Stowers (MOS) made it seem that all it would take was ONE egg, and, Voila! there would be a cure, all shiny and new and just laying there on the table! Cool!
  • Amendment 2 is all but required for the continued economic growth of Missouri, kinda like the Royals. Or the downtown stadium. Without it, Stowers might just take his ball and go home! And we all know what that would do to the economy! I mean, before Stowers built Mordor on the Plaza, the economy of the State was just, I don't know, not good!
  • Just look at all these doctors, and patient advocacy groups, who are behind this wholesale slaughter of human life! There are LOTS of them. So Amendment 2 MUST be good, right?
  • It's not about human life, or abortion, or anything like that! (Chuckle, chuckle.) If anybody tries to tell you it is, just ignore them. They're just silly, silly. Neanderthals, really, or Ostrogoths, Pay no attention to them! (Chuckle, chuckle.) We are sophisticated, and scientific, and so modern!
  • Religious people are against us. But look! We have Jack Danforth! He's an Ordained Episcopal Minister, and if he thinks it's OK, it's OK!
  • Are there cures now? No. But look-we've only been killing human embryos since 1998 or so! We haven't had the time to really get funky. We need that TIME, which the evil Matt Bartle tried to take from us. Bad Bartle! But if you vote yea, everything will be fine. So trust us - there will be cures SOMEDAY, we promise. Really.
  • There are 400,000 frozen embryos out there (really, trust us, there are) that the evil George Bush won't let us have! If we could just have this frosty population of a medium-sized city, which we could then kill, my, wouldn't all our lives be rosy!

Then it was Q & A time, which I blew big time. MOS asked for questions, and I sat on my tongue, waiting to see if there were "friendlies" in the crowd. There weren't. It was devolving rapidly into a Stowers love fest, which I decided to break up the way I know best. Tactlessly.

I told the MOS that "you don't 'grow' stem cells, sir, as you have erroneously claimed over and over again in your presentation. You grow a human baby, which you then kill...."

The room erupted, predictably, in jeers and catcalls. "It's not a baby, it's a ball of cells!" And etcetera. The usual pro-abort "logic". The woman behind me began a hyperintellectual litany of "Do you eat eggs? Do you eat eggs? Is it a chicken, or an egg? It's an unfertilized ball of cells!" Over, and over, and over.

The guy next to her told me he had three genetic diseases, and he needed a new liver. "And I don't care how many stems cells die before I get it!" he said. Oh, you're gonna get it, alright, I thought to myself. A group of women behind those two ethicists asked me, "When this amendment passes, and your children get a disease, what are you gonna tell them?" I pointed to Mr Disease Trifecta sitting behind me, and I said, "I hope that, unlike this gentleman, that they will be unwilling to take human lives to heal themselves."

Then the room just exploded with inane pro-choice cliches. The three chicks who shadowed me got up, and one of them said, "If anyone would like a more productive line of questions, MOS is going to step over here." My cue to step over there, and out the door, being followed by one of my Democratic Escorts.

I bought a bottle of wine on the way home.


Until next time,
Cranky

9 comments:

Dust I Am said...

Curmudgeon,

You have to be the absolutely smartest blogger in Kansas City to get all these great writers to work for you for pittance--or in this case, FREE! Apparently you didn't even have to reimburse Cranky for his bottle of wine.

Maybe Cranky even shared it with you rather than drink it all himself after the unpleasant scene in Cass County. If so, you certainly have friends that are true FRIENDS!

WOLFTRACKER said...

I never even liked Crass County.

But if your correspondent asked such pointed questions before an unfriendly crowd, I tip my hat to him.

The "do you eat eggs?" question is classic and could have only been properly countered with "do you eat embryonic stem cells?"

A marvelous post, but it is so sad to hear of mass delusions masquerading as science and compassion. A bottle of wine. I'd have gone straight for the whiskey after that circus.

Curmudgeon said...

I'm not counting my blessings yet. Cranky just emailed me off the blog and hit me up for payment.

I only reimburse necessary expenses which are pre-approved. The bottle-o-wine wasn't necessary (even if it was deserved), and it was not pre-approved.

Curmudgeon said...

Crass County? I think the percentage of people who don't own a pair of shoes or a T-shirt with sleeves is actually higher in Clay county.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but Curmudgeon is so cheap he apparently has given away his long pants shown in his former photo. Or did he change to summer shorts (or is it a skirt)? I'm waiting for the new picture of snow pants and boots of winter. Then we'll never be able to identify the person who owns those pretty pink ankles.

Curmudgeon said...

Yeah, if I ever forget to wear socks to Mass, I'd be exposed in a second.

An older part of Cranky family said...

Someone needed to do it, and I'm glad a Cranky was available. He seems like my kind of guy. I hope he writes more for you. The causes we favor need him.

I used to think only I was Cranky. I've come to think of him as Cranky II.

His lines in Crass County were dynamite.

I hope you use him again.

bmmg39 said...

Do these nimrods really not know the difference between an unfertilized ovum (which I don't eat, either, by the way; I'm a vegan) and a human embryo? They say that these are mere "unfertilized embryos" and then they accuse US of not knowing what we're talking about.

Keep going to these things and keep bringing allies. The more, the better.

WOLFTRACKER said...

I used to be a vegetarian (long, long time) until I took my faith seriously. I won't say the two are mutually exclusive, but--as commonly practiced--usually are.